My heart is full, and therefore heavy.
My heart is full. Aka-full of happiness.
My heart is heavy. Aka-full of sadness.
Full things usually are heavy. I don't know if anyone will see the same weirdness in that flying train of thought I just typed, but sometimes English is crazy.
I am officially back in America. It was a long process. One 32 hour day of travel with the 10 hour time change.
I went to California for a week. Now, I have just finished my first week of summer term.
Adding Russian and Mathematic Minors. Yes, I do still maybe hope to graduate someday.
To explain the mixed emotions of being home would take a lifetime. Probably more like 5 lifetimes because I struggle to explain even the simplest emotions. Um, overwhelmed would be where I would start, I think.
Before I left I thought I was an adequately articulate human being because of the communication performances/competitions/activities of which I had been a participant. I thought that this trip would be hard in many ways, but specifically because I could pronounce exactly 2 Russian words correctly. However, upon my return, I feel as though I spent the last 4 months using all my energy to use body language, memorize and implement more Russian words into my vocabulary as often as possible-and forgot that I was once fluent in my native language and able to communicate in English. I have been struggling. Especially in the BYU atmosphere where everyone wants to talk to everyone and there is thousands of people to get to know and they're all so nice I am constantly being introduced to new people and jumping into a singles ward and belly-flopped into a apartment with 5 fantastic, gorgeous girls that have herds of boys following them around and and and and..Life is great.
It is now taking every ounce of energy that my yogurt, strawberries, bread, and crackers give me daily to not run and hide back in Heather's Hermit Hole.
FROM getting a concussion getting out of a sketchy bus/van, thinking I was dying in Latvia, eating all of the 4 things I refuse to ever eat, freezing in the cold, falling on the ice every 10 seconds, walking many miles everyday, inhaling smoke of every kind daily in large amounts, undergoing radioactive treatments by taking a shower, and feeling very isolated
TO
having a glimpse of the reality and intensity of how much the Lord loves all of his children, viewing some of the most breath-taking sights possible, gaining an even stronger foundation to my testimony, having a million embarrassing moments, learning to be more patient, observing a loving family functioning daily, making great friends, realizing even more how little I know, being able to be a teacher and a loving figure to so many absolutely adorable and hilarious children, adapting to a new atmosphere, learning about myself, viewing the differences in 6 different countries for minute amounts of time, being loved by a family I could barely communicate with,
It was a marvel.
Yes, I miss it. Tremendously. Constantly.
However, that chapter in my story has ended. Time to fuse my life back together with some new pieces.
To sum up.
I have strengthened my testimony.
I have gained motivation to someday work on creating beautiful structures because I have toured buildings that have inspired me.
Lastly, I have gained a deep desire to use the knowledge and skills I am striving to obtain to continue to serve in every way that I am capable throughout my life.
IF, someday there is an opportunity that leads me back to my home in Санкт-Петербург.
I would be ecstatic.
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Hope you have the best day of your life.
Email or call me and we can catch up.
To the people involved in the handfuls of weddings I missed. Congrats. Still love you.
To everyone who read this while I was gone, and specifically all the words that have been emailed to me, or said to me in person since I got home, thank you.
