26.Oh, to live.

The past couple weeks have been a couple intense ones. However, I don't think any portion of my life will ever be, nor has ever been, boring. Which, I am thankful for - usually. The Lord has given me enough faults that my life will never be boring! That is some optimism that I obtained from lessons my Grandma has taught me. It's an interesting game I play everyday to just keep track of simple belongings, remember where I'm going, or attempt to accomplish small tasks. I feel like everyday that I am out here, I am really learning more than I could ever explain. More than I am ever even conscious of. It is like Saint Petersburg is infusing knowledge into my system without me even knowing sometimes. It is great!

However, I have gained a new perspective on life. Not life in general the the concept of how fragile a human being is as an organism. There are massive icicles on the buildings here that kill people when they fall. I had the realization a couple weeks ago. Almost everyday I have been downtown there is a large section of sidewalk roped off with someone on the roof of the adjacent building breaking them off and large ice chunks accumulating on the walkway. It's loud. Then, when they are done then remove the plastic streamers and we walk through the obstacle. This was taken on Saturday on the way to the Young Single Adult dance. (Which - was a hoot. I got carried across the floor -literally carried- to Six Pence None the Richer's song -kiss me - techno style with a very large Russian man. He apparently thought it qualified as a slow song? We were the only ones dancing and all the other singles were laughing and taking pictures. I didn't know the steps to some waltz he was doing. I was a lost soul.) Anyway..

The fact that we have no control over so many things. This common Earthly process costs human lives. It's stunning.

Also, that illness can occur. I knew this trip wouldn't be the easiest thing I have ever done, but the last thing that I could have forseen happening did. Which is why I think it is so much harder. My best friend/hero/romodel/occasional comedian/confidant/spiritual counselor/Grandma is not well. Not being in America at this time has been harder for me than I ever expected. I'm not homesick, I am just broken that I am not there for someone who has done so much for me. It also solidified the realization of how precious human life is. How truly precious each and every person is.

That we all are like little ants trying to be productive and needing to work together to survive. Some of the metro stops remind me of underground ant farms. Tunnels and all.

Alas, I don't ever know where I'm headed anymore when it comes to big life decisions. My direction was set on blue skies and plowing my way through credits in my cozy townhouse. Six months later I'm on the other side of the planet, white skies, and not in school. No idea what where the Lord is going to direct me next. I'm just learning how to be a slightly more flexible and tentative planner. It's tough.

The only consistency I have is every Sunday. I walk this street to church. Although the street will change and most likely have sidewalk when I return, the destination will be the same and that is really what life is about.